dancingpony

Challenge words: arrogant, dress, engagement, flush, hospital, omission



“Hold still,” his partner ordered. “If I don’t flush your eye, it will have to be done at the hospital.”


Napoleon froze obediently, feeling cool liquid trickle down his cheek and under the collar of his dress shirt.


“Arrogant bastard,” he said good-naturedly as the sting receded.


“Better that than ex-field partner,” Illya said gruffly, dabbing his friend’s wet face with a hankerchief. He leaned back and shook his head. “Only you could end a routine speaking engagement with acidic burns.


“I’d say there was a serious omission by the security detail. Why wasn’t the audience checked for tomatoes?”


********

Challenge words: bother, default, folk, patience, plane, split



“Would it bother you if Waverly split us up?” Sometimes Napoleon wasn’t quite sure.


“Of course.” His partner scowled. “Without me at your back, you’d get yourself killed.”


That stung, even if it was true. “I’m a highly trained agent.”


“You are also … easily distracted.”


“You’re not exactly perfect,” he huffed. “Your default mood is irritable.”


“Perhaps. I admit I have little patience with fools. However, I can fight, shoot, disarm bombs and fly any plane in existence.”


“True, but those aren’t the primary skills needed for this mission. Waverly wants a team to go in as Scottish folk dancers.”

Challenge words: communist, document, glow, process, salmon, treat


The exertion was invigorating, the afterglow sublime. He couldn’t even regret the chocolate soufflé that followed the Salmon Meuniere. He’d deserved the treat, and he’d worked it off afterward.


Even now, he felt the effects. He stretched, scattering documents across his desk.


His partner, in the process of completing his own paperwork, looked up, eyes sparkling.


“I can’t believe we finally did it.” Napoleon’s smile was languorous.


“And over lunch hour.” Illya shook his head. “I may have to surrender my communist credentials after such indulgence.”


“Actually three hours, but we climbed to the top of the Statue of Liberty.”


******

Challenge words: acceptable, brown, cinema, jest, pepper, rear



“Did you think I was jesting?” Napoleon squinted at his partner through watery brown eyes.


“No, but I don’t understand why a visit to the cinema ended with you in the Emergency Room.” The Russian’s blue eyes narrowed. “You swore tonight’s assignation was not with Angelique.”


“My date was perfectly acceptable. I took Julie, the new girl from Translation.”


“The nervous one? You didn’t anticipate she might be even more jumpy after a double feature of Rear Window and Psycho?”


“I thought she’d, ah, jump into my arms. I didn’t realize the atomizer on her key ring released pepper spray.”


*******

This was written for the December prompt “Dashing Through the Snow” on MFUWSS. It’s not exactly a story; it’s a logic puzzle. i tried to include enough clues that it would be fun (if you like this sort of thing) without being too difficult.

I’m not posting it to AO3 since it’s not a story, but I decided to post it to my own journals in case anyone is interested in a bit of Christmas silliness.

****** It’s been requested that if/when anyone solves the puzzle, you just post that you did it without posting the solution to give others a chance to work through it. So please don‘t give the solution away yet! ******

#################################

It's Saturday morning, and Alexander Waverly is sitting at his desk with a cup of steaming tea, a tin of biscuits, and a pipe filled with Isle of Dogs number 22. Instead of spending a relaxing day at home, he is stuck in the office, trying to complete his weekly field section summary — a daunting task, considering that five of his agents failed to turn in the assignment reports that he requested.

Early Monday morning, he’d been surprised to realize that Thrush was being unusually quiet this Christmas season, so he’d taken the opportunity to assign out some tasks that might not otherwise have merited the attention of Section Two agents. Each of his five agents was given a different task, a different cover, and a different affair name (one of which was The Carol of the Bells Affair). Each of them was told that his/her report was due on a different afternoon (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday), and each had a different reason for failing to turn in the report (one was sent out of the country on an urgent courier assignment).

From the information provided here, can you determine for each agent: his/her assigned task, cover, affair name, report due day, and excuse?

(1) The five agents are Illya Kuryakin, the one on the case code-named The Red Nosed Reindeer Affair, the one whose assignment was to test a security system, the one whose cover was an electrician, and the one who didn't turn in a report due to a bad case of food poisoning.

(2) Paul Westcott was assigned to watch over a visiting diplomat’s children.

(3) The agent who didn't turn in a report because of his/her annual physical (who wasn't on the case code-named The Deck the Halls Affair) was assigned to monitor a new Thrush satrapy.

(4) The agent whose cover was a photographer handled the case code-named The Here Comes Santa Affair.

(5) The report from April Dancer (who was not undercover as a reporter) was due at some point before Paul Westcott’s (which wasn't due on Friday).

(6) The report from the agent assigned to observe a lecture was due the day before an agent failed to turn in his/her report because of a car accident.

(7) Napoleon Solo (who was the agent on The Deck the Halls Affair) didn't have a cover as a plumber and was not sent on a courier assignment.

(8) Illya Kuryakin’s report was due the day before the report of the agent on the case code-named The Dashing Through the Snow Affair, whose report was due the day before that of the agent who couldn't complete an assignment and report due to repeated power outages.

(9) The agent assigned to investigate a theater group had a cover as a reporter. The report on the theater investigation was due the day before Mark Slate’s report, which was due the day before the report of the agent whose cover was a janitor.

(10) The report of the agent who was in a car accident was due on Tuesday. That agent was not on the Here Comes Santa Affair.

*** Paul Westcott was the agent who impersonated a Thrush bigwig in Deadly Decoy.

Challenge words: accept, gift, oven, pipe, preparation, witness



“You’re accepting the situation quite philosophically.”


The Russian couldn’t shrug, dangling by his wrists from an overhead pipe, but his expression was tranquil. “No matter how much preparation we undertake before a mission, capture is always a possibility.”


Napoleon grinned despite the strain on his shoulders. “And at least there’s no one to witness our predicament.”


“We should also be glad we aren’t stark naked, even though this cell is as hot as an oven.”


“Speak for yourself. You’re wearing a holster and skivvies, but it’s not much of a gift to be left hanging in a necktie and socks.”


******

Challenge words: exchange, foretell, meal, miscreant, quaint, spoon




“That is a quaint superstition.” The Russian rolled his eyes. “But it doesn’t foretell success in apprehending the Thrush miscreants. You might as well toss a spoonful full of salt over your shoulder or rap your knuckles on the table.”


“Why not?” Napoleon looked up from his meal to exchange a wry look with his new partner. “Knock on wood,” he said, matching action to words.


But the American discreetly moved his hands out of sight when he twisted the ring on his pinky finger three times. There was no sense in meddling with the famous Solo luck, after all.

Challenge words: apologies, bay, cattle, compromise, inappropriate, obscure



“With apologies to the waitress.” Napoleon poked the lumpy gray stew. “This obscure establishment is not getting my business again.”


“Think of the cattle who gave their lives—” Illya plucked a piece of soggy vegetation from his bowl and grimaced. “What is this?”


“A bay leaf.” Napoleon peered at it with distaste. “It’s for seasoning … but it should be removed before the food is served.”


“Would it be inappropriate to dart the staff and use their kitchen to prepare an edible meal?”


“Let’s compromise. We won’t shoot them if they agree to feed this to any Thrushies who come in.”



*********

With a bonus drabble this week

This one was written for Angst Bingo. The prompt is “Forced to Beg.”



“I’m technically your boss.” The CEA tried the haughty tone he used with junior agents. Not unexpectedly, it failed.


“Of course, but this clearly falls outside my job description.”


Maybe wheedling? “I’m also your best friend.”


“I believe the American expression is ‘that cuts both ways.’”


Okay, how about martyred …. “I won’t beg.”


Illya shrugged, unconcerned. “I’m not asking you to.”


Surrender. “Fine … but if you ever tell another living soul.”


“I said I’m not asking you to beg.”


Finally, success. “Which means you’ll feel guilty when I’m forced to do it.”


“Seriously, Napoleon, you know I hate double dates.”



**********


Challenge words: achievement, cope, laborer, plaster, promote, tap


“Section One thinks it could be a brilliant achievement.”


The words didn’t match the Russian’s pensive expression or the slow tap of a pencil against the plaster cast adorning his forearm.


“I suppose.” Napoleon was equally dubious. “I mean, we’re supposed to promote peace and cooperation whenever possible … but I’m not sure how anyone will cope with the fallout if this, ah, merger fails.”


Illya snorted. “Integrating the laborers of two companies in a joint venture is a merger. This—” He broke off, either his English or his imagination failing him.


“Yeah,” Napoleon sighed. “An UNCLE — THRUSH summit is insane.”


*********

Challenge words: contribution, deck, jaw, lick, plagiarize, willpower



The bedraggled CEA dropped into his chair. “I quit,” he groused. “The boatswain says I don’t do ‘a lick of work,’ which isn’t true. I’ve been helping passengers—”


“Seriously, Napoleon, you weren’t hired as cruise director.” The set of his partner’s jaw told him the Russian was exercising extreme willpower. “But you must be on board to make the switch.”


“We’ll trade jobs,” Napoleon huffed. “Your contribution to the mission can be swabbing decks while I toil here in the air conditioning.”


“Fine.” Illya handed him two battered scrolls. “Presuming your Japanese is sufficiently proficient to plagiarize twelfth century calligraphy.”



*******


Challenge: This one was written for Angst Bingo. The prompt was “outed.”



The senior agent stared across the expanse of choppy water and then at his new partner. He could hear their Thrush pursuers crashing through the underbrush a short distance behind them. It was now or never.


The Russian had removed his shoes and was wading into the waves but paused, head canted in puzzlement. “Napoleon, is there something you wish to tell me?”


“No,” he said, swallowing and inching forward.


One blond brow rose.


“Okay …. You read my personnel file, right?”


“Yes.”


“And you remember that I was on my college swim team?”


“Of course.”


“I was the towel boy.”




Note: According to Sam Rolfe’s pre-series production notes, Napoleon was on his college swim team. That skill never seemed to fit well with series canon.